Emotions!! What are they? The APA defines them as “a complex reaction pattern involving experiential, behavioral, and physiological elements.” Emotions are how individuals deal with matters or situations they find personally significant.” We all have emotions, and we feel them daily. To stop feeling is to stop living. We use emotions to communicate, and emotions communicate to us how we feel about our environment or circumstances so we can behave accordingly.

A woman’s emotional health is very important. I’m sure you’ve heard it say that women connect on an emotional level in intimate relationships. We want to feel good, and when we do, we tend to reward those who lead us to good feelings.  

I have a few questions for you before you go further and read the rest of this blog. “what is your relationship with your feelings? Do you embrace them or avoid them at all costs? Do you create time for them weekly or even daily? Do you see them as a sign of weakness, or do you see vulnerability and emotional expression as strengths?  Take time and write your answers in a journal or on your phone. 

No matter your answers to these questions, I want you to keep reading to find out if you are emotionally healthy or unhealthy.

Before I list just a few characteristics of an emotionally healthy woman, let me start with what she is not. An emotionally healthy woman is not perfect. Being healthy does not equate to perfection. I don’t know anyone other than Jesus who has achieved perfection. With feelings as a factor, that’s even less probable. If I can free you quickly, you can be healthy and not perfect. That makes you human.

Having said that, here are 4 characteristics of an emotionally Healthy Woman

1. She Accepts her emotions and knows how to manage them.

An emotionally healthy woman is able to accept her emotions. She is not reactive but has learned to take time to analyze her feelings before she responds. As human beings, we feel all sorts of things; when we feel them, our response to what we feel is crucial. Emotions are not facts, but they are good communicators. Fear allows us to recognize if something or someone feels safe; anger helps us recognize where our pain and sadness lie; sadness allows us to identify things that have hurt us; disgust informs us that we do not like something; and happiness shines a bright light on the things that warm our hearts.

All of these emotions are valid, and they all should be felt. An emotionally healthy woman has to be able to understand the role that these emotions play and accepts them. She does not run away from them but instead allows herself to feel them fully.

Once she feels them, they don't control her; instead, she manages them. You can feel angry and not behave as an angry person would. You can feel sad and acknowledge your sadness and not allow it to cause you to hurt another person with your words.

 If you struggle with accepting your emotions, start by identifying what you feel. Close your eyes and find the fear, sadness, or anger inside your heart. I want you to get a mental picture of how you look when you feel these emotions. Lastly, I want you to permit yourself to feel them. Then notice what it feels like to be free to feel. 

What was it like for you if you stopped and did this exercise?

2. She feels secure within herself even when she is alone

An emotionally healthy woman has a good relationship with herself. She knows herself and accepts all parts of herself. She is secure in her identity and is clear about her purpose. Some women say that they need someone to come into their lives to complete them. A healthy woman knows she is complete by herself and does the work she needs to do to continue caring for herself. She may go to therapy when she notices that she needs to deal with something or talk to mentors or friends. She is aware of herself and intentionally ensures that her healing progresses.

How she feels about herself is not impacted by how others feel about her or how they view her. She can accept criticism without getting defensive and uses them to become better. 

If you find that how you feel about yourself is wrapped around how someone else feels about you, that may be a growth area for you. You can begin by creating a list of the people who have the power to impact your view of yourself and strengthen those areas. For example, if you rely on words of affirmation from others to feel good about yourself, begin by identifying those you seek acceptance, affirmations, or admiration from. Once you do that, you can then analyze what kinds of words you like to hear from them and use them in your daily affirmation practice.

3. She is comfortable saying no (good boundaries)

An emotionally healthy woman understands her capacity. Some women are caretakers and volunteer their time to take care of others. Some of the load they carry for others is emotional in nature. Healthy women know when they don't have the capacity to help someone and are okay with saying no. After all, saying no allows someone else to meet that person’s needs.  

If you struggle with setting boundaries, you can begin by telling those who request your time or help that you will get back to them once you check your calendar to see if you have space to fit another task in. Doing so gives you time to assess your capacity so you can give them an appropriate answer.

4. She can celebrate other people’s accomplishments

A healthy woman is okay with celebrating others. Sometimes it can be extremely difficult for a woman to celebrate another who has met a goal she has been working towards and has not seen results from yet. An emotionally healthy woman understands that another person’s success has no impact on her own. She knows her time will come, and is okay to continue working to accomplish her goals in her own time. She allows herself to be happy for others.

Let me say this, sometimes your first feeling or reaction can be discouragement or sadness that you are not there yet. This is normal, and it will sometimes come. What‘s important is not your initial feeling but what you allow or tell yourself to feel. When your initial reaction to someone’s success is negative, don’t beat yourself up. Remind yourself that this person’s success has nothing to do with your future success. If they are close to you, call them and congratulate them. I would even say find a way to celebrate with them. Doing that will change how you feel. It may even fuel your drive to keep working toward your goals.

I don’t know where you find yourself when it comes to emotional health, but wherever you are, I am sure you can improve if that’s what you want. Remember, an emotionally healthy woman is free. The more you improve, the more emotional freedom you will experience.