3 ways to process emotions-for the emotionally avoidant.
Emotions are a very normal part of who we are, they make us human. Although some emotions can lead to negative actions, emotions are generally good. They are the signals that let us know that we are alive. They are the little nudges that help us recognize how the outside world and others are impacting us. They guide us through life and help us set proper boundaries.
I am sure you've heard the saying that “emotions are good passengers but they are not meant to be in the driver’s seat”. This basically means as humans, we are to direct our emotions, we are to drive them and not them us. This simple statement can prove to be a very challenging task. how do we drive our emotions? Some emotions can feel like a toddler who cannot take no for an answer. They are strong and powerful. They can even make us feel so helpless that we feel the need to avoid them at all costs.
For some of us, it is unacceptable to allow our emotions to lead the way so we take them, tie their hands, feet, and mouth, and put them in the trunk of the car. They could make noise but we would not even be able to hear them because our car stereo is playing at the highest volume. Yes, we distract ourselves because to us “emotions make us weak”.
I want to challenge that belief for a bit. Do emotions really make us weak or are they a sign of strength? Where did you learn that emotions were bad? What if I told you that they are good and that you can learn to manage them?
Managing our emotions is the only way to properly deal with them. Imagine your partner or good friend was on vacation in another country and sent you a message. Wouldn’t you stop and take the time to read the message so that you can provide a proper response? Emotions are like messages sent to you by your body and they deserve acknowledged and processed so that they can be followed by the proper response. Here are 3 ways you can manage them:
Slow yourself down
How do you slow down? Well take a moment and start by turning down the music. Music can be anything that serves as a distraction to you that aids you in the avoidance of your emotions. To some, it’s staying busy from sunrise to sunset so that there is no free or quiet time for their emotions to show up. Remove the distractions and make space for your mind to go toward the emotions that may have been trying to come up.
Create a Safe environment
Feelings need a safe space to live in. If they are not contained, they will bounce from wall to wall and create more chaos than they intended to. If you are not used to dealing with your emotions, create a space that is only available for 10 minutes. By limiting the time that you allow your feelings to show up will allow you to retain your sense of control while also learning about what works for you as you try to manage your feelings.
Process what comes up
After you notice and identify what emotions come up, you can now attempt to process them in whatever way you believe will work for you. You can journal about how you feel and how the emotions presented themselves. You can also speak to a friend about how you feel. Some people use doodling, painting, drawing, or creating something with their hands as a way to process. The point is to find what helps and do it for as long as you are able to tolerate it.
The point is to start at step one. you won’t be an expert at managing your emotions tomorrow but you can begin to challenge yourself to do something new and I am sure you won’t regret it.